What would happen if you were in a room full of some of your favorite foods and were also under a lot of stress? With the holiday season, both the food and the stress are all too prevalent. A lot of people wonder if “stress eating” ever goes away. The answer is up to you.

First, a statement that’s going to mess with your mind—there is no such thing as “stress.” What we call stress is really our reaction to some external stimulus. Nothing is inherently stressful; instead, our thoughts give these external events the power to throw us into what we recognize as a stressful state. Your reaction to the stimulus lies in your understanding that you have choices in how you perceive and respond to the situation.

Here’s an example you might recognize. You’ve been invited to your company pot-luck and everyone is encouraged to bring their favorite treats so “we can eat all day long!” You immediately break into a cold sweat, panic and think “man, how can I take that day off?” You’ve stressed yourself out. However, you haven’t considered all of your options nor have you thought about the ramifications of your reaction. I’ve written in the past about how excluding yourself from social events because of the presence of food is counterproductive. It only sets you apart from others, socially isolating you, and prevents you from participating in an enjoyable event. Instead of panicking, look at your options. First, you have complete control over what you’re going to bring to the pot-luck. How about something healthy that you could nibble on all day like a veggie platter? You might be thanked for being the only person that thought to bring something good for you. Your second choice is what you actually put in your mouth. You brought something you know you can eat without guilt, so start there. Next, fill up on light foods, drink a lot of water, use really small plates, circle the table a few times before you take anything and pick one indulgence that you’ll save for the end. When you eat that, you’re done. You’ve likely built up your own techniques for dealing with “all you care to eat” scenarios so pull those tricks out of your bag. See, instead of being stressed, there are plenty of other options as to how you view this event.

Your behaviors in stressful situations are learned responses triggered by thoughts. The cool thing is we have complete control over what shoots through our brain. Your first line of defense against stress eating is knocking out the root cause. However, there are times when your thoughts will get away from you. Your backup plan is to use something called “countering.” If you find yourself in a situation where you’re stressed out and your reflex reaction is to reach for food, counter that action with a gating mechanism; preferably something that’s good for you. For me, I used push-ups. Every time I went for a snack, I dropped and did 50 pushups. Now if I’m a little stressed, it’s physical activity I crave and not food. What might work best for you? What would sidetrack you from reaching for that donut or beer? (Or both?)

You choose whether or not you’re stressed out. If you’re already there, your next choice is whether or not you reach for food. There is no direct link between that external stimulus and food going into your mouth. Remember that you’re in control!

Photo credit: practicalowl / Foter / CC BY-NC

A few days ago, I had a talk with a guy about why men tend to gain weight back after having lost it. I went into details of positive mindset, confidence, support systems and overall well-being. His reply was “That all makes sense, but I don’t think that’s the case for me. For me, it’s just laziness.”

Why do we lapse back into old behaviors? Is it because we’re lazy? Ask just about any guy if he’s lazy at work and you’ll likely get the indignant reply of “Of course not, I work my a** off.” If that’s the case, why do we suddenly get lazy in matters that are vital to our well-being?

According to the Transtheoretical Model of Behavioral Change (that’s a mouthful, just hang on for a few sentences) developed by James Prochaska, the maintenance phase of a new behavior is composed of a series of spirals where an individual often cycles back to earlier stages. These lapses are a normal part of adopting a healthier lifestyle. It’s only the transition to the final termination phase that ensures the behavior has been fully integrated.

I believe these temporary bouts of “laziness” are really just short lapses and people benefit from learning to recognize them as part of the change process. What’s important is eventually working through the maintenance stage and finally reaching the complete adoption of the healthy behavior. How can that be done?

First, you need to believe in your ability to make the change; this is called self liberation. I break this down further: believe change is possible, believe you deserve it, then take responsibility for making it happen. You also need people to support you in the change (helping relationships) and, finally, you need to substitute healthy ways of acting and thinking for the unhealthy (counter conditioning.) Overriding a self-defeating mindset can be tough on your own. This is where a strong support system is vital. You’ll also need to develop strategies for introducing healthier ways of behaving. This will take planning and discipline. If any of these are difficult for you, you may spiral into more of these lapses prior to finally reaching that termination state. Or you may never get there. If you can’t make it through this on your own, get someone you trust to work with you.

Once you’ve reached your wellness goal, whether that be weight loss or something else, your plan turns into “maintain.” This state of hovering raises the opportunity to slide backwards. If you do, realize it’s part of the process and don’t let your negative self-talk that you’re “lazy” undo all of the progress you have made. Keep moving forward.

Image courtesy of David Castillo Dominici at FreeDigitalPhotos.net