All posts by Paul

It’s Not Cheating, It’s Called Living

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One of the hardest changes anyone can make after they’ve successfully lost weight is establishing a more healthy relationship with food. While losing weight, you monitored everything that went in your mouth. To move your life forward and leave that fat-suit behind, you need to learn to stop treating food as an enemy.

Here’s a quick story. A young lady was excited that she had been invited to her first fancy work affair. It was at a really nice restaurant that she’d never be able to eat at on her own because of the high cost. She was really afraid, however, that she was going to make a mistake with her eating and “cheat.” She was petrified! The worry around food was going to ruin her enjoyment of this special occasion.

Food nourishes us and gives us energy. It’s also a lot more. Food is often the focal point of social gatherings and, honestly, provides us with a lot of pleasure. Without changing thought patterns to allow you to successfully navigate these situations, you’ll find yourself missing out on everything life has to offer. You can enjoy these special occasions by learning that the occasional indulgence does not mean you’re going to immediately gain back your weight. You just need to be smart and act the part of the fit person you’ve become.

Keep everything in balance. Your goal is to enjoy the event, participate fully and not let food panic ruin your time. Just be mindful that this is an indulgence. You’re not changing your eating patterns to match this meal going forward; this is something special. Acknowledge that mentally and give yourself permission to enjoy the meal and the time with your friends or family.

Make some smart decisions. Remember, you’re a fit, healthy person now so there are some choices you’ll make naturally. If you’re at an awesome steakhouse, you get a leaner cut of steak, a lot of veggies and maybe a decadent side that you share with a few people. For drinks, you have a little red wine. When the meal comes, the portions are huge so you save at least half to take home. Finally, dessert. You pass on it, right? Heck no! But you do share something with all your friends and enjoy every bite you do take. You might hit the gym extra hard the next day but you do it because it feels good and you know it’s good for you—it’s not done out of guilt.

By setting the correct mental image as we just discussed and allowing her new healthy instincts to take charge, our young lady truly enjoyed her special event. It created great memories and she has no guilt.

You worked hard to get where you’re at today. You have to trust your knowledge about the right way to eat. You’re also active now and you’re burning plenty of calories. Allow yourself these “free meals” periodically. Otherwise, you trap yourself in an eating prison that will make you feel like you’re dieting for the rest of your life.

With the Holiday season approaching, you’ll have a number of opportunities to try out your new skills. How will you see these events? Will you create potential pitfalls or opportunities to celebrate and enjoy your life?

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 30  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 30

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/30/its-not-cheating-its-called-living/

Exorcizing Your Demons

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It’s funny how our minds work. We can start down the path of a simple, innocent, harmless rationalization to explain away an action and that takes on a life of its own. In past posts, I’ve written about how our thoughts drive our feelings and behavior. A runaway rationalization can turn into one heck of a monster.

During an online discussion, one individual stated:

I find one particular “Mental Trap” can be very dangerous. Basically it becomes easy to slowly start justifying eating bad/worse just because you are working out. It’s like your subconscious is whispering, “pizza ain’t that bad… besides, you just had a great workout.”

Does this sound familiar? This can get magnified when the “working out” is elevated to “body building.” I know a lot of guys that lose weight then set themselves back because they now want to “bulk up.” To bulk up, you have to take in more calories than you need. That’s what you were doing when you were overweight. You’ve returned yourself to the exact same behavior, just under a different label.

To exorcise these little demons, you need to recognizing rationalizations for what they are and put them to rest. The key is to first realize what you’re doing then examine your motivations. Once you’ve gotten that far, it just takes some discipline (and maybe the help of your coach) to change your mindset allowing you to make decisions that are in your best interest.

Here’s an example. A man has a girlfriend that won’t eat unless he’s eating. Because of schedules and eating preferences, this forces him to eat more than he should. His rationalization is that he has to do it to make sure that she’s eating enough. So, how should this be handled?

The first step wasn’t too difficult; he realized what he was doing. Now, let’s look at the motivation. On the surface, his concern came from a genuine place of caring for his girlfriend. Delving deeper, however, we learned that there’s also a sense of guilt and responsibility for another person’s actions. Instead of addressing the core issue, he was looking for ways to tweak his eating to account for these inevitable extra calories. To move forward, he needed to be exposed to more options.

To activate the necessary change in behavior, he first needed to acknowledge that he can not be responsible for his girlfriend’s eating choices. (He, better than anyone, should recognize this having come to terms with his own choices.) Having an honest discussion with his girlfriend is a place to start. He might even discover that his girlfriend wasn’t aware of what she was doing and that she would be supportive of him. A more difficult but far more productive option might be to provide the support needed for his girlfriend to confront her own eating issues. Regardless of the final path chosen, identifying the real motivation behind his actions and changing his thoughts related to the situation will allow him to put an end to that rationalization before it further ruins his weight loss and maintenance efforts.

So, do you have any mental vampires you need to stake?

Image by Flickr user elycefeliz  (CC BY-NC-ND 2.0)

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by Paul on October 25  •  Permalink
Posted in confidence, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 25

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/25/exorcizing-your-demons/

Personal Trainer for Your Life

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In a prior post, I talked about how some guys get trapped in a fat-suit mentality. Even after having lost weight and getting in shape, you can still “feel fat.” To be really successful maintaining the new, fit you, you’ll need to modify some perceptions and activate changes that will increase your confidence and overall well-being. Some guys can do this on their own with the support of friends or family. Others want objectivity, structure and accountability—so they hire a coach.

Think of a coach as a personal trainer for your life; they help you flex some new mental muscles and motivate you when you need it. People that work with a personal trainer want to get more out of their time at the gym and see real results. Investing in a coach gets you similar progress in building your confidence and self-esteem.

Coaching isn’t therapy nor is a coach there to solve your problems. Instead, a coach builds a partnership with you to help you grow and use your inherent abilities to reach your full potential. A coach listens, asks questions, opens possibilities and holds you accountable. A coach is a navigator that helps you along the course you’ve charted for your life.

Some common topics of coaching sessions include:

  • Confidence to end the fear of gaining weight back
  • Increased self-esteem allowing you to take (or stop fishing for) compliments
  • Accepting, enjoying and getting the most out of your new healthy body
  • No longer feeling awkward at the gym
  • Broadening your focus to move forward in all aspects of your life
  • Leaving the “old you” behind

These are just some examples. There are a bunch of roads ahead of you just waiting to be explored! Now, everyone comes to the coaching experience with their own needs and goals. You can expect:

  • Clearer vision of where you want your life to go
  • Exposure to different directions or ways to get there
  • Help getting out of ruts
  • Forward motion and progress towards your destination

The coaching experience isn’t right for everyone. Frankly, some people just aren’t “coachable.” Those that seek out ways to improve themselves and want to really get their life moving forward are the best candidates. If you’re interested in seeing if you’re “coachable,” send me an email. You might be surprised by where you’ll go and how fast you’ll get there!

Image courtesy of KROMKRATHOG at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 23  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, self-esteem

Posted by Paul on October 23

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/23/personal-trainer-for-your-life/

Instead of Toughing it Out, Be Smart and Treat Your Sports Injuries

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You’re a healthy, fit person now and you enjoy being active. As you up your efforts at the gym, there’s more potential for injury. The occasional twist or pull is to be expected. A lot of guys will try to play off the injury, “push through it” and not get proper treatment. That can cause greater harm and permanent damage that can take you out of the gym for a long time; setting you back in your weight loss maintenance. If you do get injured, get treated as soon as possible.

Below is an entry I made in a personal blog a few years back. I’m reposting it here because it contains information that some might find helpful.

Apparently, a human shoulder is engineered to only provide so much force over a period of time. Like a lot of guys, I stupidly exceeded this limit. To literally add insult to injury, I ignored the pain thinking I’d “tough it out” and that it would get better over time. It didn’t.

After months of pain and watching the quality of my workout steadily decline, I went to my primary care physician. He did a few tests and told me there was something wrong with my shoulder and sent me to Grayhawk Family Chiropractic for evaluation and treatment.

During my first visit, Dr. Frank Sorrentino (he prefers to be called Dr. Frank) performed a series of movements with my shoulder that I would later learn is called Active Release Technique or ART. These seemingly gently movements actually did a lot to improve my flexibility and range of motion. He next pulled out this metal rod and started scraping the tissue around my shoulder. Yes, it felt like this sounds. This is referred to as the Graston Technique. My simple understanding of this is that a lot of pain and range-of-motion limitation is caused by scar tissue or improperly healed injuries. The only way to get the tissue to heal correctly is to break it back down. While this hurts like a son-of-a-gun while it’s being performed, I can tell you there is a payoff later. Treatment ended with 20 minutes of electrical muscle stimulation. Dr. Frank gave me a few exercises to perform throughout the day at home and I was done.

This series of treatments continued over the course of eight weeks. Dr. Frank closely monitored my progress and was attentive to my feedback. You could tell he genuinely cared. As time progressed, we slowly added more activities and eventually got to the point where I could go back to the gym. After working out for a few weeks, Dr. Frank sat with me and reviewed my workouts line-by-line and gave me feedback as to what was going well and where I maybe needed to be more careful. I have to say, no other doctor has given me this kind of personal attention! I also need to note that during the whole time of my treatment, Dr. Frank was always upbeat. Anyone that knows me well understands that I appreciate a sense of humor and I usually left Dr. Frank’s office laughing my a** off- even when I wasn’t feeling great.

Epilogue: It’s now been several years since this injury originally occured. I haven’t had any further trouble with my shoulder. While I’m not lifting as heavy as I used to and a few lifts remain off my list, Dr. Frank kept me from needing expensive and potentially damaging surgery for which I’m thankful.

Image courtesy of graur razvan ionut at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 18  •  Permalink
Posted in fitness

Posted by Paul on October 18

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/18/instead-of-toughing-it-out-be-smart-and-treat-your-sports-injuries/

Clothes Make the Man: I Hated the Husky Section!

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For some it’s a pleasure while others see it as just a chore. It can also be terrifying. I’m talking about clothes shopping.

I don’t know if they still have them in department stores but I had to buy all of my clothes in the “husky” section when I was young. This was essentially a men’s section they put in the children’s clothing department for the fat boys. I was wearing a 42″ waist in eighth grade so there was no way I could fit into traditional kids’ clothes. Accordingly, most of my clothes weren’t in line with what other kids my age were wearing. [Great, just one more thing to set me apart from my peers.] I hated shopping for clothes at the start of each school year. My mom would just cart me off and we’d get it all done in one morning so that the trauma was minimized. For some, this negative experience continues into adulthood. I recently heard from one guy that simply lost it and broke into tears in the middle of the men’s department because he couldn’t find anything that fit.

For most men, buying clothes is a pop-in-and-just-get-what-I-need event or they buy online. However, this doesn’t stop retailers from marketing to men or those that buy their clothes for them. You can pick up any health magazine and see the most current trend being worn by a fitness model with a sub-30″ waist and 44″+ chest. While women have dealt with this for most of their lives, I think men are just now starting to feel similar pressure to look good. When you’re fit, buying new clothes might not be an issue (other than coughing up the dough) but when you’ve been buying your clothes in the big-and-tall section until recently, how do you make that transition?

As I started losing weight, shopping for clothes still wasn’t all that enjoyable because I had some vision of where I should be at any point in time. I’d pick up a large shirt and find I still needed an XL or my pant size hadn’t dropped. Though sometimes frustrated, I pushed ahead and eventually started seeing some progress. I started using clothes shopping as a motivator. I would regularly get a few new things in the smaller size so I knew I always had something that fit well and looked good. These first few new items were always a better brand (relatively expensive) too so there was a financial incentive to not go backwards. I donated my larger clothes as soon as I replaced them with smaller sizes. I felt I had “made it” when I took some shorts into the Abercrombie and Fitch dressing room and had to actually buy two sizes lower than I had expected.

So I share this with you as another example of some of the mental trash that can be taken to the curb once you have lost weight. I know guys that still buy clothes too large either because they simply haven’t thought to go to a smaller size or they’re still trying to hide their body. As you reach your goal weight and figure out what your new size is going to be, treat yourself to some new clothes that fit well. Take a friend or spouse/partner that knows something about style with you and have them give their opinion. You worked hard for the new body and you deserve to look and feel your best. Don’t let prior discomfort or lack of knowledge stop you from enjoying a simple pleasure of life.

Image courtesy of imagerymajestic at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 16  •  Permalink
Posted in body image, confidence, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 16

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/16/clothes-make-the-man-i-hated-the-husky-section/

Ditch Your Fat-suit!

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When you’re overweight, your mind can be full of guilt, longing and self-loathing. Once you start the weight loss process, you’re singularly focused on your diet, exercise and the results on the scale. Now that you’ve finally reach your goal weight, what happens? The activities that have been taking up a good portion of your brain space are no longer needed, creating a vacuum. That vacuum has the potential to suck back in all of the insecurity, doubt and fear from which you worked so hard to free yourself. This creates a healthy, fit person that still feels overweight. You’ve basically put on a fat-suit!

We view ourselves from two different vantage points—how we feel about ourself (internal) and how we think others see us (external.) Our perceptions skew these views rooted in our self esteem and confidence. Our actions and feelings are directly driven by our thoughts or perceptions. If that vacuum pulls back in all of the negativity you’ve longed to be rid of, it will cause you to act and feel accordingly. This will have an impact on your confidence and self esteem and may actually cause others to treat you as if you’ve made no change. You get depressed, fearful, apathetic and wonder what you worked so hard for and BINGO, you slide back. Can you see how we get stuck in this vicious cycle?  To succeed, you need to ditch that fat-suit mentality once-and-for-all and leave the “old you” behind.

Plugging that vacuum is one option. This takes an awful lot of energy though as you constantly try to remind yourself of what you’ve achieved, that you know how to eat, that there’s no rational reason for you to be be afraid, etc. But I think there’s a better way. Instead of patching, how about replacing the space in your brain with new thoughts so that the old ones simply can’t come back?

Think of it this way. What do your naturally fit and healthy friends think about all day? Are they worrying about what every next meal will bring? Do they panic or have a meltdown if they miss a gym day? Probably not. Food and exercise may be important to them but they also have so much more going on in their life. That’s the key; create a full, rich, well-rounded life experience for yourself. By focusing on your overall wellbeing and developing new talents and interests you’ll naturally begin to change your perceptions of the world. You’ll increase your self-esteem and confidence in all aspects of your life. You’ll create a new, vibrant, completely whole you with a fit, healthy body at its core.

So, what to do next? Create new goals and explore new interests. Try something you wouldn’t have done when you were overweight. Do things that purposefully increase your self-esteem and confidence. Take risks; maybe go after that promotion you’ve wanted. Focus on your overall wellbeing. Live as if you’ve always been fit and knowing you have the ability to shape your own future. Yes, losing weight is tough but peeling off that heavy, ugly mental fat-suit can be harder—but you can do it!

Image from Flickr user dsb nola Creative Commons Attribution 2.0

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by Paul on October 11  •  Permalink
Posted in body image, change, confidence, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 11

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/11/ditch-your-fat-suit/

8 Ways to Be More Confident at the Gym

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I recently heard one guy explain that his greatest issue after having lost weight was that he “felt like a fraud in the gym.” The only way you can be a fraud is if you’re trying to be something that you’re not. Here are a few tips on how to exercise your confidence at the gym.

Go with a Plan

 If you get to the gym and just wander around trying out different machines or picking through free weights, you’re going to look like a newbie. Have a workout plan in mind (or better yet, in hand) and complete each set with purpose and conviction. Record your workout in a paper journal or on your phone. Keeping track of your workouts will allow you to continually progress and prevent you from doing the same thing week after week. It also makes you look serious and dedicated; which you are.

Don’t Compare Yourself to Others

Look, everyone’s body is different. There are guys that live in the gym, put a lot of money and effort into building their physique and, maybe, just have the right genes. Can you aspire to be as disciplined and hard working? Sure. But never feel less than them or unworthy of being in the same gym. There’s always going to be guys that are in better shape. Constantly focusing on keeping up with everyone you see at the gym will cause you to miss the opportunity to develop other aspects of yourself that make you unique.

Know Your Limits

When you work out, don’t try to impress anyone other than yourself. If you try to move more weight than you can handle, you run the risk of hurting yourself. If you’re using terrible form, you’re likely to call negative attention as opposed to wowing anyone. When you plan your workout, make sure you start out with weights you can handle and increase them over time. When a weight gets too easy for me, I’ll usually go up by about 10% but drop the number of repetitions in a set. Each workout, I’ll increase the repetitions until I can easily handle that weight, then go up. Not before! And for gosh sake, don’t drop or throw the weight—that just makes you look like dork. It also shows that you didn’t have proper control of the weight to start.

Take a Friend; There’s Strength in Numbers

If you can, get a workout buddy. Having someone to spot you, check your form and suggest new lifts is helpful. Plus, you’ll automatically feel more comfortable being with someone you know.

Dress to Impress

I don’t mean this in a shallow, show yourself off way. However, you can increase your confidence by feeling good about how you look. Don’t wear ratty, torn and stained gym clothes that are now 6 sizes too big. Find clothes that fit correctly, are designed for working out and make you feel good. Save up for better brands; my favorites are Lululemon or Under Armour. Better brands last longer, are designed to make you look good and you’ll feel like you belong in a gym. Also, the added investment is another incentive to use them.

Be Friendly, not Flirty

Smile and don’t be afraid to talk to people but don’t make the gym a pick-up joint. Most people are there to workout and the advances will be unwelcomed.

Don’t Create Your Own Discomfort; No One is Looking Anyway

While you’re going to act like you belong there, in reality, no one is going to notice you. People go to the gym to workout. They might catch you in a passing glance but there really isn’t any reason to feel self-conscious. Be a good gym citizen and you’ll be welcomed.

Corrolary to the Last Two

OK, some gyms ARE pickup places and everyone MAY be checking everyone else out. If that’s what you’re into then you probably don’t have any confidence issues. It’s important to scope a gym out to see if it’s right for you. Most gyms will offer a free or discounted week pass. Check out the place during the times you’d typically workout. If everyone is into their workout, people are friendly and you feel comfortable then you’re good. Family oriented gyms seem to be the least intimidating. If you’re really new and the idea of going to a gym freaks you out, try starting at the YMCA or the gym at a community college. They’re used to people just getting started and will be most helpful.

Some use a gym to lose their weight while others simply don’t feel comfortable until they’ve gotten close to their goal. Don’t let anxiety, or the feeling of being a fraud, keep you from having a fun and productive gym experience. You’re doing this for yourself and only you can give yourself the permission you need to succeed.

Image courtesy of stockimages FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 8  •  Permalink
Posted in body image, confidence, fitness

Posted by Paul on October 8

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/08/8-ways-to-be-more-confident-at-the-gym/

Why are Scales so Scary?

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I think I’m fit and athletic looking. I’m 5′ 10″, have a 29″ waist and body fat around 7%. Notice that there isn’t a mention of weight there? For the last three years, I’ve been staying to a fairly strict Paleo style of eating. The premise is that you can simply eat whatever you want and not gain weight because of the types of foods that are excluded. I don’t eat any grains, starchy carbs or sweeteners and dairy only sparingly. That leaves me with meats, fish, fruits and veggies along with nuts and seeds. It’s worked well for me. I initially dropped another 5 pounds, I have tons of energy and my weight was incredibly stable the first year. In fact, I stopped weighing myself at all a few years ago. As long as my pants are a bit loose in the waist and my shirts are just a little snug in the shoulders, I’m good.

I initially lost 75 pounds using Weight Watchers and I had faithfully followed the system for years prior to “going Paleo.” For those of you familiar with Weight Watchers, you know that they modify their program every few years and in 2010 they made a huge change by going to the PointsPlus system. I talk with a lot of guys that are currently on WW and they always ask for tips and my opinions. Since I haven’t been “on program” for a few years, I found that my knowledge was falling out of step so today I decided to pop back in for my first Weight Watchers meeting in years.

If you’ve never been to a meeting, the first thing you do is weigh in. I started this post describing my current physical state to highlight the absurdity of what happened next. I still broke into a bit of a cold sweat getting on the scale. When I heard my weight, I still had that internal voice say “What, can’t be?!” (Keep in mind that I’m actually well within what WW considers a maintenance range for me and I’m far below my goal weight.)  Now, understanding the power of our own perception, I could quickly “self coach” myself back into the proper mindset that I’m fit and healthy. It brought back to mind, however, the power that one number holds over us.

When you’re overweight, your entire life revolves around the scale. You check your weight weekly. The result can lead to a feeling of accomplishment or, sometimes just as often, frustration, failure, disappointment—you name it. It’s no wonder why, through all that negative conditioning, that stupid hunk of springs, glass and metal causes such a response even after all this time of successful weight maintenance. But really, it’s just a number.

Guys, as you hit your weight loss goals and possibly start putting on some lean mass, keep in mind that the scale becomes less important. Put two men side-by-side, both the same height and weight, but one has some muscle definition where the other guy still looks a bit soft. Does weight matter here? Of course not! You want to be the one with at least a little muscle and the only thing that’s going to show you that is the mirror (or a tape measure if you must have some number.) Ultimately, you need to worry less about the scale and pay more attention to how you feel. Making this huge change will help you move into your new healthy and fit lifestyle, leaving part of the “fat you” behind.

Image courtesy of chainat / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 5  •  Permalink
Posted in body image, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 5

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/05/why-are-scales-so-scary/

Have You Stalled Out?

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You’ve just been through one of the hardest things you’ve ever had to do in your life. You made the decision to finally lose weight. You gave it your all. You counted every calorie, regularly hit the gym and watched your weight and waist size go down. You reached your goal and celebrated the accomplishment. So, why do you still feel like a fat person in a new, fit body?

Losing weight is tough but making that transition from weight loss to maintenance can be just as challenging. Maybe you’re still worrying about every bite you put in your mouth? What if you slip up and it all comes back? Are you feeling guilty about that second beer that you just let your buddy goad you into? Your weight loss has been the focus of your life for so long, now how do you lead a “normal” life filled with new goals and challenges?

Where weight loss results in changes in your body, a successful transition to maintenance requires a complete change of your mindset. You have to leave the old you behind (ditch the fat-suit) and start living the new life you’ve created for yourself. This takes a lot of confidence and self-esteem—two things that may have been depleted by having lived the life of an overweight person.

The best tool available is a strong support system. Friends, family, trainers and coaches can all help. If you don’t have someone you trust that you can talk to as you make this transition, then find someone now. Here, on the Motoring Forward Life Acceleration site, you’ll find ideas and bits of motivation to get you out of the mud and get your life motoring forward. You have control of the wheel. Now just step on the accelerator!

Image courtesy of FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on October 3  •  Permalink
Posted in change, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on October 3

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2012/10/03/have-you-stalled-out/

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