How to be Mindful and Present at Business Meetings

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We have busy lives. At any given moment, we have information flying at us from ten different directions. Our family, coworkers and even people we meet in passing need our attention. How much attention do we actually give them?

One setting where your divided attention can be detrimental to your success and that of others is a business meeting. Meetings can be boring and nonsensical but they can also be a place where ideas are exchanged and problems are solved. That only happens if everyone is engaged and they offer up their best input. That’s difficult to do when you’re distracted.

Here are a few suggestions to get the most out of a meeting and to show-up in your best light.

Use an Agenda
If you’re leading the meeting, please create an agenda and stick to it. Value the time your attendees are giving you and they’ll be more willing to meet with you in the future.

Set Ground Rules
If this is the first time your group is meeting, set-up some ground rules as to how the meeting will be run and how you’ll communicate with each other. At a minimum, the rules need to include something to support the idea that everyone’s opinion is of value.

Turn off the Gadgets
It’s common courtesy but set your phone to vibrate or turn it off. Better yet, have everyone in the meeting pile their phones in the middle of the table and no one touches them until you’re done.

It’s become more acceptable in the past few years to have your laptop or mobile device open during a meeting. Often, attendees have the intent of taking notes or they want to have information “handy.” I’ve lost track of how many 30-minute meetings turned into 2-hours meetings, however, because people had to “just answer this quick email” or “John in accounting just sent me an urgent message. Just give me a second.” Multiply this by the number of people in the meeting and you can see how the technology that was supposed to help has become a disruptor.

Have attendees stick to paper-based notes. In his blog post How to Take Notes Like an Alpha-Geek, Tim Ferriss (of 4-Hour Work Week fame) states “I don’t use digital notetaking tools. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve noticed that some of the most innovative techies in Silicon Valley do the same, whether with day-planner calendars, memo pads, or just simple notecards with a binder clip. It’s a personal choice, and I like paper.” I’m of the same mind. I take notes faster on paper and not having the distraction of the technology allows me to focus on what’s being said without interruption.

Make Eye Contact
Make eye contact with the current speaker. It doesn’t need to be a constant, creepy leer. Instead, let them know you’re listening intently by making that connection when they get started. You’ll likely look away as the conversation moves forward and you take notes or look at presentation material but that initial contact will make them feel valued. You’ll want the same when it’s your turn to talk.

Acknowledge Input
Even if it’s completely off-the-wall, acknowledge any input given. It may have taken great strength for someone to finally put themselves out there during the meeting. Encouraging them will ensure they keep offering their insight and, you never know, their next idea might be the gem your business needs.

Close on a Positive Note
Even if the discussion was tense and traumatic, end the meeting with a positive message. If you’re discussing how to shut down your business after 20 years, it could be something like “I really valued all of the input you gave today. Jane’s suggestion about the outplacement service can really help make this process less difficult for our employees.”

In your next meeting, pay attention to how you’re showing up. Are you writing a long letter to your mom when you’re supposed to be taking notes or are you valuing others and being of value?

Photo credit: shareski / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

How to be Thankful

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It’s Thanksgiving Day in the US. It’s a day full of family and food and the one time each year when many people finally stop to look at their life and see that they can be grateful for what they have instead of longing for all they want.

If you’re currently at a difficult point in your life, however, seeing everything for which you have to be grateful may not come naturally. Maybe your finances are at a downturn and you see the holiday commercials for cars, gadgets and new clothes and feel a sense of scarcity. Maybe your relationships haven’t been going well and we’re entering the time of year when people have a lot of parties and you’re thinking of staying home this year. Or maybe you feel isolated because you don’t have a lot of family and friends. Regardless of your situation, there are many things to be thankful for. You just have to look for them.

Close your eyes and breathe and concentrate on your body and how you feel. Recognize whatever level of health you have and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Open your eyes and look at your surroundings. Recognize the comforts you have available to you and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Think about your friends, family, career and financial situation. Recognize the potential that exists for you in each of those areas and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Be thankful that you have the freedom of choice to make your life whatever you desire.

Today, be thankful and grateful for what you have now while creating a vision for where you want to go in the future. Remember to be thankful next year for all of the progress you’ve made!

photo credit: MTSOfan via photopin cc-by-nc-sa

Just Jump!

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Sometimes you have to take a chance and accept some risk for a potential payoff. This isn’t just true in business but in your personal life too.

Let’s say you’re looking for the perfect partner. Staying at home and wishing for the best isn’t going to magically bring that special someone around. You have to sometimes place yourself in uncomfortable situations to move your dating life forward. Maybe you’d like to advance your career but you’re stalling because of the required interview or promotion process. Or you’d like to return to school but you don’t want to be the oldest person in the class. You get the idea and you can probably think of a dozen other examples on your own. How do you get past your natural human instinct to avoid risk or danger? Just jump!

Sometimes we over-think things. That gives our brains too much time to create all of the false perceptions (FEAR-false evidence appearing real) that feed our gremlins and prevent us from making any progress. Outsmart your own brain by acting before it has a chance to think too much. Now, I’m not saying to pursue your entire life with thoughtless and reckless abandon. (Though some people do live their lives that way and it works for them.) Instead, look at the potential outcome of your decision and quickly compare it to the REAL risk. If the payoff outweighs the risk, then go for it.

Here’s a personal example. In addition to being a performance coach, I’m also a Beachbody coach. That gives me the opportunity to coach people wanting to get fit and healthy; a passion of mine. When talking with folks about my own weight loss, they often ask to see before and after photos. Honestly, I’ve been putting off putting these together. I’m not embarrassed by how I look but, instead, had built a false perception that people simply wouldn’t find them “impressive” enough. I had visions of people saying “that’s it?” After talking to some other coaches though, I realized the payoff outweighed the risk. If, by chance, the photos did provide some motivation to a single person to try and get fit then the gremlin self-doubt was worth it. I quit worrying about what others might be thinking about my photos and just began sharing them.

You likely have similar situations you’re dealing with right now. If you’re having a difficult time weighing the risk and benefit, talk with friends or someone you trust. Once you see that the risk is small or non-existent, just jump!

Photo credit: Powderruns / Foter / CC BY

Where do you sit in the crayon box?

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To continually improve your life, you need to better understand yourself; your strengths and weaknesses. There are dozens of personality assessments commonly used today in business and for personal use such as StrengthsFinder, Myers-Briggs and Values in Action.

I recently learned of a new system called The Color Code. This assessment looks at your strengths and limitations and how you react to different situations. What is unique is that the instructions are explicit that you answer from the viewpoint of how you behaved as a child. The final result places you into a color category with a dominant motive.

I completed the assessment and learned that I’m very much a blue. I supposed that would make me Midnight Blue. Blues are motivated by intimacy. The summary results and video shown upon completion of the assessment state that I need to genuinely connect with others, that I’m loyal to friends, employees and employers and that everything I do is quality based. Most important, I need to create meaningful relationships and to serve and give of myself freely to nurture others’ lives. I’d say that’s a fair assessment knowing myself and given my profession.

The real value of assessments, however, comes from having your shadow side held up for examination. Working with a coach or through self-exploratory exercises, you can examine how these darker traits show up in your life and how you might better integrate them into a more positive whole. For example, my very blue personality can make me worry-prone and moody when I’m at my worst. I’m aware of these traits so I’m mindful of how I’m reacting to others if I’m under an unusual amount of stress. I use “thought trapping,” pausing to look at the root cause of a feeling, to check my responses when I’m in an off mood.

You can take the basic Color Code analysis for free.  Once completed, let me know what you learned about yourself. Were there any surprises? How might you address the traits that show up when you’re not at your best?

Photo credit: scottwills / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

How to Turn Your Commitment to Change into Action

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Last week I wrote about how you decide to make a change. Once you’ve acknowledged the need to change a behavior and have made a commitment, you need to move from planning to some action.

Your life will be no better than the plans you make and the action you take. You are the architect and builder of your own life, fortune, destiny. —Alfred A. Montapert

When taking steps to bring about some desired change, you need to look at what has or has not worked for you in the past. You also need to be open to new ideas and be willing to change your course of action as you try new approaches. There is no right or wrong way to succeed in your goal; you need to discover through trial and error what works best for you.

One of the classic examples is losing weight. There are hundreds of diet and exercise plans and by combining these into a plan of action, there are likely millions of ways for someone to decrease their body weight to get to a comfortable number on the scale. Keep in mind that once you reach your goal, you also need to maintain the behavior. Maintaining your desired weight will likely require that you continue some or all of these activities for an extended period of time so you need to find options that are sustainable for you. For example, you might use a strict meal-plan system where all of the food is provided for you to drop some pounds. However, how likely is it that you’ll want to remain on that diet for the rest of your life? It probably wouldn’t be very enjoyable and would be expensive too.

For lasting change, consider the long-term maintenance of your desired behavior when creating a plan of action. Try to change your mindset to get to the root of the issue instead of using a quick fix that won’t last. There are two practices recommended by Prochaska that I pass along to coaching clients that can help bring about this mental shift; countering and environmental controls. Countering is replacing the undesired behavior with a healthy, more desirable one and environmental control means manipulating your setting or avoiding a location to prevent the behavior. Including either or both of these in your action plan will be helpful.

For example, let’s say you’re prone to snacking through the day. You can consciously replace that activity with another. For me, I started doing push-ups whenever I wanted a snack. This countering helped in two ways. I burned some extra calories and the activity usually made me forget the urge to snack. Over time, I began to crave physical activity when I was bored or restless and that has served me well. I also worked at a company that had a cafeteria that served cheap but gourmet quality meals. It was easy to overeat. I could have avoided the cafeteria but I would have also missed out on the social interactions that took place there. Instead, I simply started bringing my lunch. As everyone was in line getting their food, I’d eat my lunch. By the time they got to the table with the gourmet meal, I’d already be half done and fairly full. Once the conversation started, I was no longer tempted to get more food.

Once you have your steps in mind, I recommend the following:

  1. Write your plan down.
  2. Share your plan and goals with someone that will hold you accountable.
  3. Review your plan DAILY and note how you’ve done.
  4. Review your progress WEEKLY to see if your actions are working. If not, try something new.
  5. Finally, don’t give up. You’ll reach your goal over time.

There’s no single “magic bullet” that anyone can provide you to create the change you desire. All change has to come from within and you are the only person that can make it happen. Be strong, ask for help and stick with it. You’ll get there!

Photo credit: waynesutton12 / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA

How to Better Understand Yourself

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I’ve written a lot about the importance of being genuine; of being yourself. But how well do you really know who you are?

He who knows others is learned; He who knows himself is wise.
-Lao-tzu, Tao te Ching

When you ask people to “tell me a little about yourself” you’ll often get the biographical data dump but little insight into who they really are as a person. Some people may not verbalize this well but others simply have never stopped to look inward. They really don’t know their strengths, beliefs or values. They don’t know what makes them unique.

Coaching lends itself to bringing out the best in people. I love using assessments to help people learn more about themselves and it also gives them starting points for our coaching conversations. One of the most popular assessments is the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI.) The MBTI gives you an indication of how you see the world and interact with others. After taking the test, you’re left with a type based on four dichotomies. For example, my type is ENFJ. Without going into a lot of detail, each type has some consistent personality traits and you can use this information to really build on your strengths.

The MBTI takes quite a bit of training to evaluate but the general information it provides is still useful. There are dozens of other assessments but my current favorite is VIA or values in action. While most other assessments tell about how you do things or interact with others, the VIA helps you discover your values or character strengths. These are the essence of your being. My VIA strengths are fairness, humor, kindness, leadership and honesty. You can take the assessment for free and the results are easy to comprehend. You can build on them through exercises of your own design or by working with a professional.

In addition to assessments, the idea of personal development is important. Once you know your greatest talents or deeply held values, learn more about making these traits even stronger. Notice I’m focusing on your strengths. Some look at their “low points” and try to figure out a way to make them better but why not start with where you’re already strong and become stellar? Read, watch videos, listen to podcasts or take classes. Do whatever you enjoy that will allow you to better understand yourself and become the greatest version of you the world will ever see!

Are You Setting a Healthy Example?

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We often see celebrities say that they shouldn’t be looked up to as role models when they’re caught doing something wrong. They claim it’s not their responsibility to “raise your kids” or that it is unfair that they are held to a higher standard because they are in the spotlight. Their actions, however, do have the potential to impact more people because of that exposure. Do you realize that you have that same power of influence within your own circle? Is the example you set for others important?

Yesterday, I was at a hospital visiting someone. I had to wait a bit so I sat in the hospital’s cafe. A group of nurses came in (I could see their RN badges) and they each ordered a “serious (large) double-caramel chocolate macchiato with extra whip cream.” Each of these nurses was overweight to obese. To make matters worse, this particular building housed the cardiac care unit. These were the same nurses that would be going back to talk to their overweight patients about the need to lose weight to prevent another coronary event.

How much impact do you think those conversations will have? We lead by example whether we like it or not. “Do as I say, not as I do” didn’t work when we were kids and it definitely doesn’t fly as an adult. If you’re in a healthcare position and you’re trying to persuade others to take better care of themselves, shouldn’t you do the same for yourself? If you’re overweight and talking about nutrition or smell of cigarette smoke and talking to a cancer patient, there is a disconnect that simply won’t allow you to be effective in delivering your message.

The parent-child relationship holds even more importance. If you have kids, are you setting them up to succeed and to be as healthy as possible? Are you keeping healthy food in the house or buying processed garbage because it’s just easier? Are you encouraging activity by playing with your kids and staying active yourself or do you plop in front of the TV for four hours every night? Children aren’t in a position to make well-thought decisions so they rely on your wisdom. They also watch everything you do. Yes, they may “want” the sugary cereal with the prize in the box but who is actually bringing that into the house? More kids are gaining weight and developing health problems at a young age. How can you turn this around? By setting a good example and taking responsibility for your own health.

I work with both men and women on this exact topic. I know it’s not easy. Some have tried to get their eating under control for years and they want to be more active but can’t seem to stick with a program. One of the most powerful motivators I’ve found is when they discover the impact they’re having on the health of others. It seems obvious, but for some it’s not real until someone holds a picture up in front of them. In one instance, I mean this quite literally. One father couldn’t stay committed to getting back in shape. He said he wanted to do it for his young son but just couldn’t make the connection between his actions and desires. We came up with the idea to put a picture of his son on the refrigerator and all of the cabinets. He even put a small one on his lunch bag and in his wallet. This made a huge difference. It forced him to reconsider his food choices and realign them with his goal to set a better example for his son. He’s doing quite well now.

Setting a positive example isn’t just related to health. Look at the way you treat yourself in all regards and compare that to what you tell others; particularly children. Does your message match your deeds or are you being somewhat hypocritical? What can you do right now to be a better example to those that you guide? Maybe you can even be an inspiration?

Photo credit: mikebaird / Foter.com / CC BY

Feel Like You’re Not Being Supported?

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In coaching conversations around relationships, I often hear the phrase “My (spouse, partner, family, etc.) doesn’t support me.” We want to feel like we can rely on others and that they have our back. Whether it is a simple task or a big life decision, we want to feel like those around us will support us. When someone feels that they are not being supported that often originates from one of three places.

Others are supporting you and you just don’t recognize it.
Everything that happens around us is seen through the lens of our perception. Your family may be supporting you, or believe that they are, and you simply aren’t seeing it. You might be overlooking their efforts or they aren’t registering because of feelings of low worth or poor self-esteem. To counteract this, look at people’s intent as well as their actions. Also, have a very clear (and reasonable) vision for yourself of what it means for others to be supportive.

You haven’t really asked for their support.
You can’t hold a grudge against someone if they didn’t know you were counting on them. Once you have a clear vision of what you’d like from others, you have to ask them. Don’t assume that they’ll know or intuitively pick-up on what you need right now. For example, let’s say you’re starting a new business venture and you really need time to work on a business plan. Instead of getting angry that your spouse isn’t seeing that you need quiet time and isn’t helping keep the kids busy, have a conversation. First, explain what you’re doing and why it’s important to you. Next, be reasonable and specific in stating your needs. “I really need an hour a day for the next week to work on this project. Can you keep the kids busy between 7 and 8 each night so I can work on this please?” (Or whatever works best for the both of you.) The more specific you are in expressing how you would like to be supported, the better the results. Be aware of need creep though. Don’t tell your partner you need X then assume they’ll know that now includes Y and Z too.

You’re really looking for approval and not support.
There’a a difference between support and agreement. A partner can be quite willing to support you in some endeavor but not have full buy-in or agreement. Are you actually looking for someone else’s approval instead of their support? When you make a choice, it has to be based on your own wisdom and experience which is unique from anyone else. Someone else’s experience may not allow them to reach your same decision. You need to understand that your decision is yours to make and you can’t rely on the approval of others. Trying to force someone to agree with you to gain their approval will be both fruitless and frustrating and can greatly strain a relationship.

The people that love you and care about you really do want to be there for you. It’s important that you let them know exactly what you need. If you’re surrounded by people that really don’t care to support you then realize you can’t make them. Draw up your internal strength and courage and forge ahead in your decision—and maybe add some new people to your life that share your vision.

Photo credit: FUNKYAH / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

Your Change is About You

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We all need to change at points in our lives. Some changes are more urgent than others.

I work with a lot of individuals that realize their health and well-being are suffering because of choices they have made and they need to make some changes, They may even have reached a point on their own where they have developed a plan of action. They often become stuck at this point though and have a difficult time moving forward.

Some of the more common roadblocks are fear (of failure and success) and feelings of being unworthy of the positive outcome. Often, “it’s too hard” comes up but that’s really just an expression of lack of confidence. The self-imposed obstacle that will most quickly bring about a challenge from me, however, is “It’s too late for me to change.” I’m learning this argument is often raised when there is another person involved. Sometimes people are afraid that their change will alienate their spouse or partner and make them feel left behind. Others feel they need and don’t have their full support.

If you have a spouse or partner that isn’t as supportive as you’d like, here are a few pointers:

  • Clearly explain how the change you’re pursuing will make your life better. Convey how that will positively impact the relationship too.
  • Explain that you’d really like their support and how they can best provide it.
  • Invite them to join you to make the change together, if it makes sense. If they want to join you, great, but you’re not expecting or demanding any change of them.
  • Involve them as much as possible if they’re not participating with you. For example, ask them to hold you accountable for your diet, workout, etc.
  • Celebrate small milestones and goals together.
  • If this is something for which they truly can’t provide their support, then acknowledge that but ask them to at least respect your desires and not detract from your efforts. Find someone that can provide support but make sure that this person isn’t someone your partner would find threatening.
  • Should your partner ever resort to sabotaging your efforts, then consider taking a serious look at the relationship.

The most obvious solution is to work on the change together. If you both smoke, quit together. If you both want to get in shape, workout and improve your diet together. Of course, you can’t force someone else to change. Trying that can cause a rift in the relationship. You also can’t make your success dependent on their level of participation. If you’re making a positive change for yourself, then you’re the only one that can be truly accountable for your success.

Photo credit: jef safi \ ‘pictosophizing / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

How to Approach Mid-life Rediscovery

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I work with a lot of people, mainly men, that are in or nearing those years that we sometimes call “middle age.” Our society still places a stigma on age through a stereotype that older means less energy and creativity. Sometimes, people will go out of their way to restore or regain their virility, worth, liveliness and energy. This is sometimes given the derogatory label of a “mid-life crisis.” It’s not a “mid-life crisis;” you’re simply rediscovering yourself!

Let’s say you’re in these “mid-years” and think “That’s it, I can’t take this anymore. I’m doing something about this.” A common roadblock at that point is often a strong sense of guilt. At this age, you likely have a number of responsibilities; family, career (maybe more than one) and social commitments. I’ve worked with quite a few people that felt they simply couldn’t take the time to get some exercise, learn to eat right or spend time on creative pursuits because too many people are depending on them and they simply don’t have the time to do something for themselves.

Let’s highlight a phrase here: other people are depending on you! If you’re not at your best, you’re hurting more than yourself. You’re likely robbing the people you truly care about from being with the best version of you that you have to offer.

From a biological standpoint, there’s nothing that says we have to decline substantially physically as we age. Most of the change I see is all mental. As people get older, they can start to lose confidence in their ability to be fit, healthy and happy. They lose their edge. If they have health issues, they get trapped in a spiral of despair and worry instead of taking control of their health and doing what’s needed to restore the healthy life they deserve. Is it easy to turn that ship around? No. But you have a choice (you ALWAYS have a choice) you can either live the rest of your life unhealthy and unfulfilled or you can make the choice to live the life you were meant to live. And most likely the one that the world needs you to live.

If you make that move to restore your gusto, do it knowing you have the right to be healthy, happy and vibrant. Just hit 50 and you want to start a rock-band because it’s what you’ve always dreamed? Awesome! If you’re in your 60s and lifting weights, good for you! Nearing 70 and just starting yoga? Very cool! Never look at these opportunities to rediscover yourself as some sort of “crisis” and never feel guilty. This is your life to live….and you still have plenty of years to rock!

Image courtesy of photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net