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Have Courage and Don’t Wait Until it’s Too Late

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I attended a memorial service over the weekend. It was very informal being a casual gathering of friends and family. It had an “open mic” format where, through the course of the evening, anyone could step up to the microphone and offer a few words about the departed. A few family members gave their stories early on and then things waned as an awkward silence set in. Eventually, everyone went back to chatting quietly at their individual tables.

After about 30 minutes, a very tiny, timid and teary-eyed woman approached the microphone. In a quiet, but still very audible voice, she started by saying that she was ashamed to be at the service. She went on to explain that she was the departed’s half-sister. (A few gasps went out indicating this wasn’t a widely known relative.) She had never been a large part of this person’s life but, now that she had heard some of the stories, she was begging to hear more. She encouraged others to come up and say just a few words about her sister so that she could learn more about what she had missed from not being more involved in this person’s life.

I thought two things; what guts that took and how this was a classic “you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone” moment.

We all lost someone over the past week—Maya Angelou. Her insight into courage opened the eyes of many to their full potential.

One isn’t necessarily born with courage, but one is born with potential. Without courage, we cannot practice any other virtue with consistency. We can’t be kind, true, merciful, generous, or honest.

I’m sure this woman shows courage in other aspects of her life too but I wonder what kept her from connecting with her sister more deeply when it was something she obviously wanted. I think her initial statement gives a clue. Our fear of rejection and shame often holds us back from pursuing things we want. It isn’t until the need or desire for what we want exceeds the fear that we can pursue our dreams.

If there’s something you’re striving for, whether it’s a personal change or a mended relationship, envision the pleasure of having met your goal and consider the risk of delaying in your pursuit. Put the negative self-talk and the idea of shame aside and have courage. You can succeed but you’ll never know for sure until you try. Don’t wait until it’s too late!

Photo credit: Madame Eleonora / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA 2.0

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by Paul on June 1  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, mindset, relationships
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Posted by Paul on June 1

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2014/06/01/have-courage-and-dont-wait-until-its-too-late/

For True Success, Look Inward First Then Choose Well

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Are you chasing after more money, a promotion or some material possession thinking that’s what’s going to make you happy? If you achieve that milestone, you’ll likely still feel unfulfilled and then you’ll set off after the next shiny object. This cycle will frustrate you and burn you out. It’s critical that you look inward to learn your desires and passions then choose to set goals around fulfilling them.

Certain things catch your eye, but pursue only those that capture the heart. -Ancient Indian Proverb

To help you focus on what’s important, consider this one question. Given unlimited time and resources and knowing there’s no way you can fail, what would you be doing with your life? Jot down your answer and think about what’s keeping you from pursuing your desire. The reason this question is so powerful is that it encompasses the three most common reasons why we forgo our wishes; we believe we don’t have the time or resources (usually money but it could be knowledge, popularity, looks, etc.) or we’re afraid of failing.

Do you have an idea as to what’s been holding you back? You may have a list of a dozen “good” reasons why you’ve given up on that dream of yours. Now here’s one more question for you; your life is full of choices…how well are you choosing?

Looking back on the choices you’ve made can be uncomfortable. However, you can be glad in knowing that they’re in the past and your next choice is still open to you. So, what will it be? Will you choose to stay right where you’re at because you don’t have something you think you need or are too afraid or will you find a way around these roadblocks you’re putting up for yourself and create the life you were meant to lead? The choice is yours.

Photo credit: h.koppdelaney / Foter / CC BY-ND 2.0,/small>

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by Paul on May 18  •  Permalink
Posted in career, change, confidence, fitness, mindset, relationships, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on May 18

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2014/05/18/for-true-success-look-inward-first-then-choose-well/

How to Make Your Own Luck

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St. Patrick’s Day is just about here. You’ll see all sorts of lucky symbols and charms like horseshoes and four-leaf clovers. All with the idea of reaching that pot of gold.

What’s your particular pot o’ gold? Are you waiting for that perfect job, relationship or simple “stroke of luck?” I’ve never seen a Leprechaun so if you’re waiting for magical delivery of what you desire, you might be waiting a long time. Instead, how about taking luck into your own hands and simply make it happen?

When I work with an individual that seems to be pining for some unfulfilled need or desire, they’re usually stuck in one (or all) of the following stages of “wish fulfillment.” Here are a few ideas to help you get unstuck

Definition
You have to know which pot of gold you’re seeking. You may want greater wealth. OK, it’s not going to fall out of the sky. What can you do to reach greater wealth? Maybe it’s a better job, saving more, paying off debts; you get the picture. You need a solid destination. Think about what you really want and write that down.

Mindset
You might have a clear picture of where you want to go but also have serious doubt that you can ever get there. Think like a Leprechaun; there’s nothing stopping you from reaching your goal with the use of a little magic. Fortunately, that magic resides in all of us and that’s the ability to mold our thoughts and perceptions. Stop wishing and simply know that you’ll reach your goal when you give the process all of your positive energy. Try a little projection exercise. Write an article to be published sometime in the future; 6 months after you reach your goal. Write about how you got there and how you feel now that you’ve fulfilled your desire.

Planning
You know where you want to go and have no doubt that you can get there. Where many fall short is in planning. Look for the brightest rainbow that’s going to get you to that pot of gold. Without a solid list of tasks, completion dates and milestones, you won’t be able to measure your progress which can have a negative impact on your mindset. For this stage, simply write out your plan and commit to sticking to it. Think about finding an accountability partner to help you stay on task.

For each petal on the shamrock
This brings a wish your way –
Good health, good luck, and happiness
For today and every day.
~Author Unknown

Let me know what wishes you’ve granted yourself!

Photo by JD Hancock on Foter.com / CC BY

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by Paul on March 8  •  Permalink
Posted in career, change, confidence, fitness, mindset, relationships, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on March 8

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2014/03/08/how-to-make-your-own-luck/

How to Succeed with a Lego Movie Mindset

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Words have power. The way we describe our environment and those that share it with us determines how we perceive the world. Our perceptions and beliefs drive our actions and our actions determine how others respond to us. Their response, guided by their own perceptions and beliefs, can reinforce our thoughts that started the whole chain of events.

To be successful, you want others to see you in a positive light. For others to perceive you well, your actions need to support this perception. For positive actions, you need to see the world and those around you positively which brings us back to words. How do you currently describe your surroundings, those you interact with and your life in general? If you take some advice from the recently released Lego Movie, you can’t help but succeed.

Everything Is AWESOME!!!

You’ll be singing that for days to come now but that might actually be a good thing! What if you could adopt this mindset that everything truly is awesome?

Here’s an experiment for you. Over the next 21-days, start your day with your first thought being Everything is Awesome! When you come across something unpleasant, it’s awesome! When something doesn’t go right, it’s awesome!

This sounds Pollyannaish, but you’re simply setting a positive framework in which to deal with the situation. You’ll still tackle it head on, but you’ll do so from a place of humor and intention instead of dread and panic. Over time, the way you address negative situations will change and it will be noticed by others. Do you think an executive would rather promote someone that can address a crisis with a sense of humor and purpose or one that stresses out and sees the event as just one more in a string of “why does this always happen to me?”

I’ll leave you with one more thought. If you made it to the end of the song, you’ll recognize it. Everything you see or think or say…that’s awesome!

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by Paul on February 18  •  Permalink
Posted in career, change, confidence, mindset, self-esteem
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Posted by Paul on February 18

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2014/02/18/how-to-succeed-with-a-lego-movie-mindset/

Are you Giving Up or Getting Smarter?

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We often come to points in our lives when we have to decide whether or not to let go of something. A lot of my coaching clients are worried that they might be giving up without trying hard enough to achieve what they want and they want someone to hold them accountable. What is just as common is helping someone come to a decision as to whether it’s in their best interest to leave something behind and pursue other ventures. Ending a pursuit doesn’t always mean you’re giving up. Sometimes ending something is the right choice and moving on means you’re getting smarter.

So, how do you know the difference?

Use Your Head
Gather as much information as possible. If it’s a financial decision, have all of the relevant numbers in front of you. If you’re thinking of changing careers, look at job listings and labor department statistics. Making an important decision without any factual basis is a gamble at best.

Use Your Heart
Once you’ve looked at the facts, you still need to consider what’s best for you in the long run and how it fits in with your beliefs and values. If the “numbers” point in a direction that makes you feel uneasy or even sick, listen to your inner wisdom.

Use Your Instincts
Sometimes referred to as your sixth sense, you might have a “feeling” about something. It might go against logic and might even make you feel a little uneasy but you’re still drawn in a certain direction. Don’t discount this feeling. Give serious consideration to the option to which your instincts are pointing.

Talk to Others
Bounce your ideas off someone you trust- a family member, colleague or coach. Just make sure that the person being consulted isn’t going to be directly impacted by your decision because they may not be an impartial sounding board.

Finally, just jump.
I’ve talked before about how you can trap yourself into a state of preparation and never move into action. You have to eventually make a decision. Trust your wisdom and know that there are few, if any, decisions that you’ll make in your life that can’t be turned to your advantage.

It’s a new year and you have the chance to make this the best year of your life. What are you waiting for, make your decision!

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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by Paul on January 1  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, self-esteem
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Posted by Paul on January 1

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2014/01/01/are-you-giving-up-or-getting-smarter/

How to be Thankful

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It’s Thanksgiving Day in the US. It’s a day full of family and food and the one time each year when many people finally stop to look at their life and see that they can be grateful for what they have instead of longing for all they want.

If you’re currently at a difficult point in your life, however, seeing everything for which you have to be grateful may not come naturally. Maybe your finances are at a downturn and you see the holiday commercials for cars, gadgets and new clothes and feel a sense of scarcity. Maybe your relationships haven’t been going well and we’re entering the time of year when people have a lot of parties and you’re thinking of staying home this year. Or maybe you feel isolated because you don’t have a lot of family and friends. Regardless of your situation, there are many things to be thankful for. You just have to look for them.

Close your eyes and breathe and concentrate on your body and how you feel. Recognize whatever level of health you have and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Open your eyes and look at your surroundings. Recognize the comforts you have available to you and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Think about your friends, family, career and financial situation. Recognize the potential that exists for you in each of those areas and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Be thankful that you have the freedom of choice to make your life whatever you desire.

Today, be thankful and grateful for what you have now while creating a vision for where you want to go in the future. Remember to be thankful next year for all of the progress you’ve made!

photo credit: MTSOfan via photopin cc-by-nc-sa

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by Paul on November 28  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, relationships, self-esteem

Posted by Paul on November 28

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2013/11/28/how-to-be-thankful/

How to Get More of What You Want

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I just read an interesting snippet on Lifehacker that talks about the power of positive suggestion. Our brain tells us that we’re tired well before our bodies really are so we don’t necessarily get the best workout possible. We quit too soon. The article suggests you can counteract that by telling yourself that you’re feeling good and doing well the entire time you’re exercising.

I wonder if this wouldn’t hold true for other parts of our life as well. Face it, exercise isn’t meant to be comfortable and our brain is wired to avoid discomfort. There are a lot of uncomfortable things in life that we have to do so a technique for getting past them quickly would be useful. For some people that I coach, avoidance turns into a roadblock. They can’t move forward because they simply don’t want to deal with some unpleasant event. Instead of just saying “I know I can do this” I offer a slightly different way to rewire the brain.

When the pull of a positive outcome is greater than the desire to avoid something unpleasant then you’ll get over that speed bump. When you find yourself avoiding something, think about your goal or need for addressing it. When working out, for example, create a picture of looking good and feeling confident on the beach during that vacation you have coming up. The more vivid and detailed the picture, the stronger pull it will have on your actions.

This same technique is effective in your work life too. A lot of people pass on new opportunities because of uncertainty; can they, should they, what if. Get past that by thinking about what it would be like once you DID. Imagine having given that great presentation or landing that important deal or signing that lease on your first store. Create a strong, positive mental picture and you’ll be surprised by how much of what you really want comes true.

Photo credit: danorbit. / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

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by Paul on November 12  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, fitness, self-esteem, weight loss

Posted by Paul on November 12

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2013/11/12/how-to-get-more-of-what-you-want/

Another Self-Discovery Tool: The Enneagram

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Knowing and understanding more about yourself and why you think or behave the way you do in certain situations can open the door to some powerful conversations with your coach. Personality assessments such as the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI,) DiSC and StrengthsFinder 2.0 have been used by businesses to help employees and teams perform more effectively for years. These assessments are useful for individual coaching clients too but often they don’t really “speak” to people. You can tell someone they’re an ENFJ or a relator-includer but the information doesn’t stick because there isn’t a strong frame of reference.

I recently went to a conference where I learned about the Enneagram. Using an assessment where you decide how strongly a statement relates to you, you’re placed into one of 9 different personality types. These archetypes or enneatypes give insight into how you act when you are at your best and worst. The system offers the addition of numerous subtleties as you add the concept of “wings” (the potential to cross types) and what happens to a type under stress or growth. The more I’ve looked into the system, the more fascinated I’ve become. I took a number of different assessments and I was consistently rated as a type 2: The Helper (also called The Giver or The Lover.) I found a study that cross references enneatypes with MBTI scores and I found that mine match.

Enneagram types are much easier for individuals to remember and offer imagery to which they can relate. They help them understand their actions under conditions of stress or when they’re at ease. From a coach’s standpoint, this gives another reflective point that can be offered to a client when they feel they’re not living to their full, genuine potential.

While the archetype figures may appear too spiritual for the corporate world, some companies such as Adobe, e-Bay and General Mills have used Enneagram types to help people understand each other and work together better in teams. Once I’ve studied them more, I might consider introducing these types to supplement more traditional team building tools like the MBTI.

If you’re interested, here’s a link to take a free sample Enneagram assessment. It’s not the full assessment so the type will only be an approximation at best. Let me know how well you think it matches you.

Photo credit: Grace Commons (Wicker Park Grace) / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-SA

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by Paul on October 31  •  Permalink
Posted in change
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Posted by Paul on October 31

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2013/10/31/another-self-discovery-tool-the-enneagram/

How do you help someone not ready for help?

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Dealing with a physical ailment or limitation can be really difficult. Some people quickly get an “I’m going to kick this!” attitude and they’re very easy to help. You provide them emotional support and hold up and celebrate their successes. Working with them to create a vision of a healthy future creates that positive mindset needed to power through tough times. Not to mention the impact that has on the mind-body connection and the body’s ability to repair itself.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t start out with a great attitude. There are several stages we all go through when we’re trying to make a change to our lifestyle. Once someone realizes they have to do something (lose weight, quit smoking, exercise or finally start a course of treatment) they often get stuck. Stage 2 of behavioral change is contemplation; they acknowledge that change needs to occur and they think about solving it but there is no commitment. Many get stuck here in the “I will someday” mindset. They are waiting for absolute certainty or a “magic bullet” to ensure success. They’re simply afraid to try anything because of the possibility of failure or disappointment.

The only way you can help at this point is to help them see all of their options and to create a vision of a healthy future. You want them to have so many images of success available that the idea of failure is minimized. You can also establish a helping relationship. Let them know you’ll be there when they decide to move forward. Pushing someone at this stage, before they’re ready to commit to action, will almost ensure failure and could even damage your relationship.

If you know someone in this position, don’t push. The idea of “tough love” sometimes comes to mind but this isn’t the point to muscle someone into change. (Sometimes taking a hard stance will be useful once they’ve made up their mind to act and they need energy or encouragement to follow through on their plan.) Instead, just be there for that person and talk—a lot. Talk about what they hope for themselves, what are all of the options they could be trying, what are the advantages of trying and what are the minuscule risks to trying. Once they see they have options and have control over their course of action, then they might be ready to make some plans.

Photo credit: Hilary Sian / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

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by Paul on October 25  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, self-esteem, weight loss
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Posted by Paul on October 25

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2013/10/25/how-do-you-help-someone-not-ready-for-help/

What to do When you Step on Your Values

Photo on 10-15-13 at 8_Fotor

“What do you do for fun?” Sounds like a simple enough question, right? Well, someone asked me this question in a casual conversation and I have to admit that I missed a few beats. I just supplied a pretty generic answer of a few hobbies and interests. I think I was trying to censor my answer so I didn’t sound frivolous or too playful. In actuality, everything I do is fun. If something isn’t fun, it’s really not worth doing in my book. I was feeling a little “off” after that chat so I knew I wasn’t being 100% my genuine self. I had probably stepped on one or more of my core values.

So, it’s time for some self-coaching. You can just relax and “listen.”

Q: What prevented me from answering more openly?
A: Of course, fear. (False Evidence Appearing Real) I was afraid of how someone might interpret my answer.

Q: Do I know for a fact that it would have been misinterpreted?
A: No, of course not.

Q: What might have been gained by being completely nonjudgmental of my own answer?
A: The person hearing my answer might have appreciated it. Maybe they could even relate and it could have been the opening for deeper conversation.

Q: How were you not true to your values?
A: Looking back, this is such a facepalm that I’m embarrassed but still willing to share. From a number of values assessments (and simply knowing myself) two of my core values are honesty and humor. While I was not in any way dishonest, I’m typically more of an open book. I wasn’t as open in this case. Humor is also a huge part of my personality so I missed an opportunity to share with someone how much I value fun, humor, creativity and play. This was definitely a lost opportunity.

Q: How will you recognize and rectify this possible values conflict going forward?
A: Writing things down (which I’m doing here) really helps. Sometimes seeing your thought process spelled out makes patterns more clear.  These could easily be overlooked or purposely ignored but, on paper, they’re too concrete to not be recognized. To rectify this conflict, I’m definitely going to be more aware of my inner critic and be more open about my fun-loving nature. (At times, I can be wacky, goofy and impish.) I’m also going to seek out this individual at the next opportunity and try to connect more openly.

How often do you find yourself in conflict with your core values? How do you deal with the conflict? You can follow the simple exercise I completed above: write your thoughts down, reflect as to how you were in conflict, consider more genuine alternatives and make a plan for future actions.

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by Paul on October 16  •  Permalink
Posted in change, confidence, self-esteem
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Posted by Paul on October 16

https://motoringforwardcoaching.com/2013/10/16/what-to-do-when-you-step-on-your-values/

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