How to be Mindful and Present at Business Meetings

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We have busy lives. At any given moment, we have information flying at us from ten different directions. Our family, coworkers and even people we meet in passing need our attention. How much attention do we actually give them?

One setting where your divided attention can be detrimental to your success and that of others is a business meeting. Meetings can be boring and nonsensical but they can also be a place where ideas are exchanged and problems are solved. That only happens if everyone is engaged and they offer up their best input. That’s difficult to do when you’re distracted.

Here are a few suggestions to get the most out of a meeting and to show-up in your best light.

Use an Agenda
If you’re leading the meeting, please create an agenda and stick to it. Value the time your attendees are giving you and they’ll be more willing to meet with you in the future.

Set Ground Rules
If this is the first time your group is meeting, set-up some ground rules as to how the meeting will be run and how you’ll communicate with each other. At a minimum, the rules need to include something to support the idea that everyone’s opinion is of value.

Turn off the Gadgets
It’s common courtesy but set your phone to vibrate or turn it off. Better yet, have everyone in the meeting pile their phones in the middle of the table and no one touches them until you’re done.

It’s become more acceptable in the past few years to have your laptop or mobile device open during a meeting. Often, attendees have the intent of taking notes or they want to have information “handy.” I’ve lost track of how many 30-minute meetings turned into 2-hours meetings, however, because people had to “just answer this quick email” or “John in accounting just sent me an urgent message. Just give me a second.” Multiply this by the number of people in the meeting and you can see how the technology that was supposed to help has become a disruptor.

Have attendees stick to paper-based notes. In his blog post How to Take Notes Like an Alpha-Geek, Tim Ferriss (of 4-Hour Work Week fame) states “I don’t use digital notetaking tools. Call me old-fashioned, but I’ve noticed that some of the most innovative techies in Silicon Valley do the same, whether with day-planner calendars, memo pads, or just simple notecards with a binder clip. It’s a personal choice, and I like paper.” I’m of the same mind. I take notes faster on paper and not having the distraction of the technology allows me to focus on what’s being said without interruption.

Make Eye Contact
Make eye contact with the current speaker. It doesn’t need to be a constant, creepy leer. Instead, let them know you’re listening intently by making that connection when they get started. You’ll likely look away as the conversation moves forward and you take notes or look at presentation material but that initial contact will make them feel valued. You’ll want the same when it’s your turn to talk.

Acknowledge Input
Even if it’s completely off-the-wall, acknowledge any input given. It may have taken great strength for someone to finally put themselves out there during the meeting. Encouraging them will ensure they keep offering their insight and, you never know, their next idea might be the gem your business needs.

Close on a Positive Note
Even if the discussion was tense and traumatic, end the meeting with a positive message. If you’re discussing how to shut down your business after 20 years, it could be something like “I really valued all of the input you gave today. Jane’s suggestion about the outplacement service can really help make this process less difficult for our employees.”

In your next meeting, pay attention to how you’re showing up. Are you writing a long letter to your mom when you’re supposed to be taking notes or are you valuing others and being of value?

Photo credit: shareski / Foter.com / CC BY-NC

Are you Giving Up or Getting Smarter?

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We often come to points in our lives when we have to decide whether or not to let go of something. A lot of my coaching clients are worried that they might be giving up without trying hard enough to achieve what they want and they want someone to hold them accountable. What is just as common is helping someone come to a decision as to whether it’s in their best interest to leave something behind and pursue other ventures. Ending a pursuit doesn’t always mean you’re giving up. Sometimes ending something is the right choice and moving on means you’re getting smarter.

So, how do you know the difference?

Use Your Head
Gather as much information as possible. If it’s a financial decision, have all of the relevant numbers in front of you. If you’re thinking of changing careers, look at job listings and labor department statistics. Making an important decision without any factual basis is a gamble at best.

Use Your Heart
Once you’ve looked at the facts, you still need to consider what’s best for you in the long run and how it fits in with your beliefs and values. If the “numbers” point in a direction that makes you feel uneasy or even sick, listen to your inner wisdom.

Use Your Instincts
Sometimes referred to as your sixth sense, you might have a “feeling” about something. It might go against logic and might even make you feel a little uneasy but you’re still drawn in a certain direction. Don’t discount this feeling. Give serious consideration to the option to which your instincts are pointing.

Talk to Others
Bounce your ideas off someone you trust- a family member, colleague or coach. Just make sure that the person being consulted isn’t going to be directly impacted by your decision because they may not be an impartial sounding board.

Finally, just jump.
I’ve talked before about how you can trap yourself into a state of preparation and never move into action. You have to eventually make a decision. Trust your wisdom and know that there are few, if any, decisions that you’ll make in your life that can’t be turned to your advantage.

It’s a new year and you have the chance to make this the best year of your life. What are you waiting for, make your decision!

Image courtesy of mrpuen at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How to be Thankful

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It’s Thanksgiving Day in the US. It’s a day full of family and food and the one time each year when many people finally stop to look at their life and see that they can be grateful for what they have instead of longing for all they want.

If you’re currently at a difficult point in your life, however, seeing everything for which you have to be grateful may not come naturally. Maybe your finances are at a downturn and you see the holiday commercials for cars, gadgets and new clothes and feel a sense of scarcity. Maybe your relationships haven’t been going well and we’re entering the time of year when people have a lot of parties and you’re thinking of staying home this year. Or maybe you feel isolated because you don’t have a lot of family and friends. Regardless of your situation, there are many things to be thankful for. You just have to look for them.

Close your eyes and breathe and concentrate on your body and how you feel. Recognize whatever level of health you have and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Open your eyes and look at your surroundings. Recognize the comforts you have available to you and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Think about your friends, family, career and financial situation. Recognize the potential that exists for you in each of those areas and know that any desired improvements are completely within your power. Be thankful that you have the freedom of choice to make your life whatever you desire.

Today, be thankful and grateful for what you have now while creating a vision for where you want to go in the future. Remember to be thankful next year for all of the progress you’ve made!

photo credit: MTSOfan via photopin cc-by-nc-sa

How to Get More of What You Want

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I just read an interesting snippet on Lifehacker that talks about the power of positive suggestion. Our brain tells us that we’re tired well before our bodies really are so we don’t necessarily get the best workout possible. We quit too soon. The article suggests you can counteract that by telling yourself that you’re feeling good and doing well the entire time you’re exercising.

I wonder if this wouldn’t hold true for other parts of our life as well. Face it, exercise isn’t meant to be comfortable and our brain is wired to avoid discomfort. There are a lot of uncomfortable things in life that we have to do so a technique for getting past them quickly would be useful. For some people that I coach, avoidance turns into a roadblock. They can’t move forward because they simply don’t want to deal with some unpleasant event. Instead of just saying “I know I can do this” I offer a slightly different way to rewire the brain.

When the pull of a positive outcome is greater than the desire to avoid something unpleasant then you’ll get over that speed bump. When you find yourself avoiding something, think about your goal or need for addressing it. When working out, for example, create a picture of looking good and feeling confident on the beach during that vacation you have coming up. The more vivid and detailed the picture, the stronger pull it will have on your actions.

This same technique is effective in your work life too. A lot of people pass on new opportunities because of uncertainty; can they, should they, what if. Get past that by thinking about what it would be like once you DID. Imagine having given that great presentation or landing that important deal or signing that lease on your first store. Create a strong, positive mental picture and you’ll be surprised by how much of what you really want comes true.

Photo credit: danorbit. / Foter.com / CC BY-NC-ND

How do you help someone not ready for help?

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Dealing with a physical ailment or limitation can be really difficult. Some people quickly get an “I’m going to kick this!” attitude and they’re very easy to help. You provide them emotional support and hold up and celebrate their successes. Working with them to create a vision of a healthy future creates that positive mindset needed to power through tough times. Not to mention the impact that has on the mind-body connection and the body’s ability to repair itself.

Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t start out with a great attitude. There are several stages we all go through when we’re trying to make a change to our lifestyle. Once someone realizes they have to do something (lose weight, quit smoking, exercise or finally start a course of treatment) they often get stuck. Stage 2 of behavioral change is contemplation; they acknowledge that change needs to occur and they think about solving it but there is no commitment. Many get stuck here in the “I will someday” mindset. They are waiting for absolute certainty or a “magic bullet” to ensure success. They’re simply afraid to try anything because of the possibility of failure or disappointment.

The only way you can help at this point is to help them see all of their options and to create a vision of a healthy future. You want them to have so many images of success available that the idea of failure is minimized. You can also establish a helping relationship. Let them know you’ll be there when they decide to move forward. Pushing someone at this stage, before they’re ready to commit to action, will almost ensure failure and could even damage your relationship.

If you know someone in this position, don’t push. The idea of “tough love” sometimes comes to mind but this isn’t the point to muscle someone into change. (Sometimes taking a hard stance will be useful once they’ve made up their mind to act and they need energy or encouragement to follow through on their plan.) Instead, just be there for that person and talk—a lot. Talk about what they hope for themselves, what are all of the options they could be trying, what are the advantages of trying and what are the minuscule risks to trying. Once they see they have options and have control over their course of action, then they might be ready to make some plans.

Photo credit: Hilary Sian / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

What to do When you Step on Your Values

Photo on 10-15-13 at 8_Fotor

“What do you do for fun?” Sounds like a simple enough question, right? Well, someone asked me this question in a casual conversation and I have to admit that I missed a few beats. I just supplied a pretty generic answer of a few hobbies and interests. I think I was trying to censor my answer so I didn’t sound frivolous or too playful. In actuality, everything I do is fun. If something isn’t fun, it’s really not worth doing in my book. I was feeling a little “off” after that chat so I knew I wasn’t being 100% my genuine self. I had probably stepped on one or more of my core values.

So, it’s time for some self-coaching. You can just relax and “listen.”

Q: What prevented me from answering more openly?
A: Of course, fear. (False Evidence Appearing Real) I was afraid of how someone might interpret my answer.

Q: Do I know for a fact that it would have been misinterpreted?
A: No, of course not.

Q: What might have been gained by being completely nonjudgmental of my own answer?
A: The person hearing my answer might have appreciated it. Maybe they could even relate and it could have been the opening for deeper conversation.

Q: How were you not true to your values?
A: Looking back, this is such a facepalm that I’m embarrassed but still willing to share. From a number of values assessments (and simply knowing myself) two of my core values are honesty and humor. While I was not in any way dishonest, I’m typically more of an open book. I wasn’t as open in this case. Humor is also a huge part of my personality so I missed an opportunity to share with someone how much I value fun, humor, creativity and play. This was definitely a lost opportunity.

Q: How will you recognize and rectify this possible values conflict going forward?
A: Writing things down (which I’m doing here) really helps. Sometimes seeing your thought process spelled out makes patterns more clear.  These could easily be overlooked or purposely ignored but, on paper, they’re too concrete to not be recognized. To rectify this conflict, I’m definitely going to be more aware of my inner critic and be more open about my fun-loving nature. (At times, I can be wacky, goofy and impish.) I’m also going to seek out this individual at the next opportunity and try to connect more openly.

How often do you find yourself in conflict with your core values? How do you deal with the conflict? You can follow the simple exercise I completed above: write your thoughts down, reflect as to how you were in conflict, consider more genuine alternatives and make a plan for future actions.

5 Ways to Spark Creativity

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Whether you’re an artist or a plumber, creativity is important. Sparks of inspiration allow us to innovate and find solutions to problems. Often, we get stuck in creative ruts where it seems like new ideas simply won’t flow. If you find yourself out of fresh ideas, try some of these creativity boosting activities.

Play
Think back to when you were a child. What gave you joy? Duplicating the feeling of effortless imagination you had as a child can open some new avenues. Play a strategy game, draw a picture or work on a puzzle. You might even consider working your problem into a game you play with a child. You’d be surprised by the insight they can provide!

Move
Get up and get moving. If you’ve been mulling over a problem for a long time, take a break. Go for a walk, get some exercise or simply run an errand. Anything that changes the scenery and gets your muscles involved will help.

Sleep
A lot of mental processing happens when we’re asleep. If you’re really stuck, get a good night’s rest or take a nap. You may have a new perspective when you awake.

Write
You can brainstorm with yourself by simply writing things down. Start jotting down thoughts without filtering them. Allow your mind to wander and simply write down anything that comes to mind. Don’t worry whether the thoughts are cohesive or make sense. They have a way of naturally coming together in the end.

Meditate
Sit quietly for a while and try to empty your mind. You’ll make room for the inspired thoughts trying to make their way in.

What are some of your tricks for awakening your creativity?

Photo credit: macca / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

So, tell me the truth…

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Each week in my coaching groups, I offer up a theme for self-exploration. These Road Trips provide a few short exercises to be carried out through the week and help people focus on different aspects of their thoughts and perceptions. This week, we’re talking about Truth. (I also place a copy of the exercise on my Facebook page.)

There are sketchy characters out there but I believe the vast majority of people are generally truthful and trustworthy. These same people are often very good about not being truthful to themselves however. Whether it’s listening to the self-defeating voice that wants you to feel shame or succumbing to fear, (false evidence appearing real) we create a lot of untruths about ourselves and allow them to drive our lives.

So how do you know when you’re lying to yourself? If it’s a “big one” you’ll likely be struck with a thought of “What am I doing? This isn’t me!” Those are easy to catch. The subtle lies are more difficult because you’ve probably been living with them for years. The simplest way to recognize these lies is by how your thoughts or actions make you feel. It’s absolutely impossible to lie to yourself and feel good about it. When you’re being true to yourself and genuine, you’re in your zone and you feel confident and content. When you feel fear, self loathing, sadness, anger, frustration or anxiety, it’s time to reflect and discover what lies you’re telling yourself. Then, tell yourself the truth.

This week, be aware of times when you’re not being yourself to please someone else. Strive to be more genuine. How close is your life to the one you know you were meant to live? How can you start heading in the right direction?

Photo credit: markheybo / Foter / CC BY

How Well Do You Bounce Back?

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How resilient are you? That is, how quickly do you bounce back after life sends you a curve ball…and it hits you in the face.

People that are resilient handle disappointment and set-backs well. Instead of allowing circumstances to define their life or who they are and set the tone for the future, they acknowledge them as a normal part of life. If they’re really good, they learn from these events. Exceptionally resilient people see adversity as opportunities for adventure and growth.

If you tend to think of failures as the norm for your life and engage in a lot of negative self talk when things don’t go your way, then you probably need to build up your resilience a bit. This allows you to better cope with the inevitable unpleasant events that occur from time to time.

First, notice the negative self talk and question its validity. When you think things like: “This always happens to me,” “I was so stupid, this is all my fault” or “I can’t do anything right”—just stop. Are these thoughts factual? No! This is your inner gremlin taking advantage of the situation to feed off shame and guilt. Don’t give it the satisfaction. Instead, think about what you can learn from the circumstances and use the opportunity to grow stronger.

Next time you feel yourself sliding into this trap, grab a piece of paper or your journal. Write down what has just happened. Next, list everything that can be learned from the situation. Now, make an action list for moving forward. What “learning moments” can be acted upon? What decisions can you make now to either correct the issue or prevent a similar event in the future? Finally, rewrite what happened in a more positive light given the insight you now have. Forgetting to make the house payment (again) and thinking you’re stupid and unorganized may now be “I’ve learned that my current bill payment system doesn’t work. My mortgage is important so I’m going to put auto payment in place.” (A simple example but you get the idea.)

Know that all situations are temporary. Life is fluid and we have control of its direction over the course of time through the decisions we make. If something unfortunate happens, it’s really just a bump in the road. Don’t let it throw you off course. Or worse, into a ditch.

Photo credit: Bowman! / Foter / CC BY-NC-ND

How often do you tell yourself what to believe?

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The answer to the title question is “all the time.” In fact, just about every second of your waking (and some would argue sleeping) life. Every thought you have and every word you utter reinforces your beliefs. Unfortunately, people don’t use this power for good often enough.

Let’s rephrase the question: How often do you tell yourself to believe good things about yourself and the world around you? When you have a success, do you think (or even say out loud) “dang, I rock!” or do you think “Not bad, but I really could have done that better.” Do you have any phrases you say regularly to keep focused on a goal or to set your attitude? Some call these affirmations or mantras (or MAN-tras for the gentlemen as coined by fellow coach KishaLynn Elliott.) I’ve modified and adopted one popular saying as my own. I changed “Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.” to “Always know that something wonderful is happening.” I find the subtle difference more solid and assuring that great things are happening now and always as opposed to some time in the future. What we say out loud and what we think about ourself sculpts our beliefs to match.

Take a second and recall some of the thoughts that were running through your mind earlier today. Were they helpful in creating positive beliefs about yourself and your future? How could you change them to support your goals and how you want your life to evolve? Next, come up with your own quote, phrase or word that describes how you want to live your life or where you want it to go. Write it down, post it on your mirror, put it in your wallet or purse and make it your desktop image. Focus on that positive thought for a week and see how things change for you.

You have control of your thoughts so you can program your own beliefs. Make them work for you, not against you, and reach your destinations faster!

Photo credit: Lauren Lionheart / Foter / CC BY